The Miracle of Birth At Babyland General Hospital

So, as I sit back and think about some of my travels over the years I often find that my fondest memories come from the locations that are the strangest.  Now, over the years I’ve had many opportunities to visit a lot of great places around our country and even into Canada (never had much of a desire to leave our continent).  Some of them stunning in natural beauty, others strange tourist traps hell bent on extracting the last nickel from your out-turned pockets, others serene and some just damn strange.  I guess under the category of ‘Damn Strange’ is where is I would list my visit to Babyland General Hospital in Cleveland.

Now, the drive to Cleveland (see my post on Helen, Georgia) is a bit of donkey ride around the mountains, but very scenic nonetheless.  Cleveland is your average, quaint mountain town with a population around 3400 people.   While I personally haven’t spent much time in Cleveland, I have driven through Cleveland on many occasions.  Like most small towns in Northern Georgia, Cleveland seems like it would be a wonderful place to have kids and raise a family of homely, often shapeless children with bizarre names…..wait…..

Yes, welcome to Cleveland, Georgia.   Home of the Cabbage Patch Kids.  Who doesn’t remember the craze of the Cabbage Patch Kids in the early 80’s?  Mothers, fathers, and grandmothers going to fisticuffs and shouting matches attempting to stomp out the competition in K-B Toy stores across the country!  Oh, those were the days.  Folks lining up for a chance to spend their hard earned dollars on these (in my opinion) hideous folk art dolls with very strange names – Damn Strange!  However, many don’t realize that the Cabbage Patch Kids came from a humble beginning known as Little People Originals as named by their artist designer Xavier Roberts.  Mr. Roberts is now 60 years old and I’m sure enjoying a gifted life from the revenue of the little people he created.  Some credit should be given to Martha Nelson Thomas who may in fact be the original creator of the dolls but would not sell her design to Mr. Roberts.  He created his own iteration and the rest is history.

Babyland General Hospital is a very strange dichotomy from the moment you pull onto the 96 acre palatial estate.  The lush plantation sprawls out before you highlighting the impeccable antebellum architecture of the ‘hospital’ itself which stands at great contrast to the garish and whimsical interior design.  I don’t want to give away any spoilers so I’m not posting pictures from this trip.  You’ll really need to visit and see for yourself.  However, you can gain a bit of a peak into the strange world of cabbage by visiting the hospital’s website:  www.babylandgeneral.com.

Upon entering the hospital you are greeted by nurses at the triage booth.  In the main lobby you can peruse glass cases full of the original Little People and the astronomical prices associated with them.  Needless to say, the glass cases are still full!  These Little People are reserved for adopting parents with VERY deep pockets.

Next you move into a room that features hand stitched Cabbage Patch Kids.  The adoption fees for these children run around $200 per ‘kid’.  Each doll is hand sewn and painted just like the originals.  Once you leave this area you enter into the 70,000 square foot spectacle that is all things cabbage.  While my excitement level was not topping the gauge, the little ones that were with us went berserk.  Anything you can imagine that is Cabbage Patch Kid related is available.    I’m pretty sure you could literally spend hundreds of dollars on outfitting one Kid and that doesn’t include the adoption fees!

It shouldn’t take long upon entering the main area of the hospital to spot the Cabbage Tree and the holy grail of the Cabbage Patch empire – Mother Cabbage.  Every hour on the hour her tender and beautiful leaves open wide and release a new Cabbage Patch Kid into the world (as I laugh uncomfortably under my breath).

OK, I’ll be honest.  This is when things get damn strange.  The hospital, for the most part, is a giant toy store.  However, the hourly celebration of life with Mother Cabbage is both beautiful and vexing.  To witness the coming of life you’ll need to listen for the hourly announcement that Mother Cabbage is ready deliver.  You’ll need to join the throngs of real ‘little people’ that gather around the Cabbage Tree to witness this miracle.  After making the necessary preparations and the initial examination is complete, the orderly gives Mother Cabbage a shot of TLC to help her relax and then it happens…..  No, I can’t really share the whole thing.  Again, you’ll need to visit to understand how each and every kid comes into this world!  All I can say is that I can only liken the entire act to a Disney movie – adored by children and written for the humor of adults.

After the miracle of Kid birth, the audience gets to name the new baby.  Most often, the names are made up from the first, middle and last names of the kids in the audience.  After the naming celebration the Kid is whisked off to its post-natal examination and shots which everyone is welcome to witness.  Keep in mind these Kids are not your average garden variety (cheap pun intended) boxed versions by Coleco (though there are hundreds to choose from).  These are mid-grade kids that run from $100-$200 in price, er, I mean adoption fee.  So, be prepared if you have a little one with you that you may get a full court press to adopt the new Kid that your own little one just watched be born and may have been responsible for naming.  Yeah, it’s a great sales pitch!

While the whole affair is a little strange (sorry – Damn Strange) it is very well done and it’s neat to see the little ones enjoying themselves so much.  The staff are obviously dedicated to their jobs and do a great job staying in character as doctors, nurses, and orderlies.  All and all it’s a great day trip that everyone can enjoy and find a bit of humor in. 

While the spectacle is worth witnessing, nothing beats getting home with empty pockets and self-medicating after a busy day at the hospital ‘birthin’ babies’.  Another great trip ends with a great evening along the Coosawattee River.


Till next time,

Chris